Thanksgiving in June

I hope you're hungry today because we're dishing out a big serving of turkey. Today's film is one silly movie and possibly the most inept slasher movie of the 1980's. I give you Don't Go in the Woods.

And here's the link to the full movie on YouTube.

Let's get into this turd, shall we? I first saw this movie circa 1990 or so and I wasted no time ripping it apart and making fun of it. Twenty-three years I'm still doing it.

Plot wise it is really no different than any other early 80's Friday the 13th. ripoff.  A group of hikers happen to be in the wrong forest and meet untimely ends to a schlocky killer.

Yeah, our scary killer is some hairy dork with Mardi Gras beads on his face, wielding a fur covered spear because fuck you, that's why. He's Grizzly Adams' mentally handicapped inbred cousin. He's probably looking for Ned Beaty because of rumors that he might be able to get some sweet city slicker tushie.

Anyways we have four hikers (who cares what their names are) who find themselves hunted by Retardo Adams. Getting hacked by a dumbass like that has to really say something about you as a loser. Anyways, Retardo kills a number of clueless adventurers that should never have left the card table at the mental hospital to begin with. Bird watchers, idiotic lovers in a camper, a painter and her infant daughter, and more. Oh yeah, one of his victims is a moron in a wheelchair that somehow found himself on top of a mountain by himself. In a wheelchair. OK then.

After losing a couple friends, our IQ deficient heroes decide that the next morning they will make it out of the woods and survive. And they do! They get back to society. Treated for their trauma in a hospital, only to wonder of one of their friends might still be alive, so rather than get the police to search, they hike their asses back into Retardo's country to find her. Seriously. Wow.

They accidentally fatally stab an innocent camper, and apologize in one of the funniest moments. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!", before leaving them to die. I won't give away any more but suffice it to say it's 100% pure turkey through and through.

One of the silliest elements has to be theme song that plays during the end credits. Think "Teddy Bears' Picnic" with hilariously inappropriate lyrics. Funny stuff.

Don't Go In the Woods sometimes has the word, "Alone" tagged onto the end and this is the title it is known by in the UK, where for some reason, censors in the early 80's successfully prosecuted and banned it as part of the Video Nasties brouhaha. It was only as recent as 2007 that they finally got their uncut DVD given back to them. I can only fathom to guess what it was about the film that they objected to. Was it the fact that the quirky crew shot the film on $400's worth of expired film? Was it the because of the horrible synthesizer music, most notably the Romper Room sounding theme? Was it the acting straight out of a children's school play? Was it any of the other countless reasons I already covered?

Wow. Even twenty-three years later I find it hard to cut this film some slack. It's so hilariously stupid that I broke down and bought the Code Red DVD where I discovered much of the idiocy in the film was intentional on part of the meathead director. I find it a stretch to think that all of the shortcomings were planned though. If they were, this guy is a damn genius.