Man is a machine that manufactures manure.

I got to use my favorite quote from today's movie as the title of the blog entry. So I wasn't attempting to make some crude sort of commentary. I just love that line. It comes from this movie.

Great title, right? Today's film is CHILDREN SHOULDN"T PLAY WITH DEAD THINGS. For the sake of my sanity, any time I mention the title from here on out I will abbreviate it as CSPWDT, OK? Great. Lets move on.

Here it is for your enjoyment and any other purpose you might need it for. So lets put another picture down and we'll get into this flick.

A small group of theater nerds lead by Alan (Alan Ormsby) take a boat to an island where dead criminals are buried. Why? For the sake of pranking on his followers and some good general goofy fun! One prank early in is particularly amusing when a scare makes Jeff (Jeff Gillen) piss his pants to which he continuously laments.

Anyways, they eventually dig up the corpse of a man named Orville Dunworth and attempt to bring him back to life with a seance. This appears to be fruitless so they drag his ass back to their cabin in the woods where Alan subjects his followers to some dumb and embarrassing situations with Orville, such as Alan himself marrying the corpse.

But it turns out, Alan's seance might have been more effective than they thought because this happens.

Yep, them are zombies! So now the film plays out as any other zombie survival horror film albeit on a much lower budget. Nevertheless, the movie is a lot of fun and some of the effects, especially for the time it was made, are pretty decent.

CSPWDT was made in 1972 and directed by Bob Clark who was famous for Black Christmas, Porky's, and A Christmas Story. Hell, Jeff Gillen, who plays the unfortunate pants pisser in this film is better known as the "You'll shoot your eye out, kid" Santa Claus in A Christmas Story! Awesome possum!

Alan Ormsby is an accomplished filmmaker in his own right. His follow up film, Deathdream, was the first film for special effects legend, Tom Savini. Savini also collaborated with Ormsby in the Ed Gein film, Deranged a couple years later. So that's your official CSPWDT history lesson for today.

Another nasty at lasty

What movie are we going to do today, friends? How about another from the notorious Video Nasties list? What? That's what you want? OK, then. How about this one?

It's none other than NIGHT WARNING AKA BUTCHER, BAKER, NIGHTMARE MAKER.

How about a link to the film?




You got it.

So, Night Warning. Good choice on my part. Go me! Basic plot here is a teenager named Billy loses his parents to a wicked awful crash with a truck carrying unsecured timber. Ouch. Billy goes to live with his ever so delightful, caring, and gentle soul, his aunt Cheryl, played by Susan Tyrrell. Oh, she's actually pretty unhinged. She's a cannon that needs tightening.

After a television repairman is killed, detective Joe Carlson (Bo Svenson), with a raging case of homophobia, is convinced Billy killed him and begins harassing him and badgering him.

I'm pretty sure Joe's got the wrong guy, here. Know what I'm saying? Anyways, with Billy due to graduate soon, his dear old aunt begins to falls apart at the seams at the thought of Billy leaving home and the cracks that appear suggest Auntie has her own secret fantasies about Billy.

What emerges is a fantastically psychotic Susan Tyrrell that goes absolutely apeshit bonkers.

Night Warning is a great and entertaining film ride. I'll always be a big fan of Susan Tyrrell and her death last year left me in shock. She was a one of a kind personality and will be missed. Her performance in this film is one of her more entertaining ones, in my opinion. Thanks for the memories, SuSu.

The three bishops

Yesterday's post was about the Darkroom TV series. Today's follows closely behind it for a reason I will explain in a moment. Here is today's film.

NIGHTMARES from the year 1983.




YouTube linkie for you.

Here's a random picture.

So, Nightmares. I said there was a relation to the TV series, Darkroom. Yes. Nightmares is an anthology that is comprised of four short stories that were originally made for Darkroom but didn't make the cut because it was felt that they were too intense for a TV show. So they compiled them together and Nightmares was born.

So here's a basic rundown of the stories.

Story #1: Terror in Topanga
A woman goes out late one night for cigarettes and is terrorized by an escaped killer.

Story #2: The Bishop of Battle
Emilio Estevez plays a teen obsessed with beating a video game called The Bishop of Battle. The eventual outcome is not what he expects.

Story #3: The Benediction
Lance Henricksen plays a priest who has lost his faith and has a run in with the Devil who drives a pickup truck.

Story #4: Night of the Rat
Veronica Cartwright and Richard Masur play a couple dealing with a giant rat.

Now you may be wondering the significance of the title of today's blog. The first bishop is the obvious one.

This is the Bishop of Battle, the antagonist of Emilio in the second story. The second bishop is a reference to Lance Henricksen, who played Bishop in the Alien film series. The third bishop is a minor character in the same episode, The Benediction. So many bishops.

My personal favorite story, and usually the one most talked about is The Bishop of Battle, where Estevez has it out with an evil video game.

It's got that cheesy early 80's vector graphic appeal. Terrified yet?

As a whole, Nightmares is just a fun movie. And isn't that the point?

Coburn's Playhouse

Today I'm going slightly out of line and instead of sharing a horror movie, I'm sharing an entire horror TV series.

The show is the short lived anthology from 1981, DARKROOM. Hosted by James Coburn.

Here are a series of links to the episodes.......






Now I'll give you your episode guide before I discuss my thoughts on the show.

original airdate: November 27, 1981
1. Closed Circuit
   A TV newsman (Robert Webber) finds he is being replaced -- by his
   projected image. Beckwith...Mary Frann
2. Stay Tuned - We'll Be Right Back
   A man (Lawrence Pressman) discovers his child's crystal radio is
   receiving clear broadcasts -- from 1942. Janet...Joanna Miles

original airdate: December 4, 1981
3. The Bogeyman Will Get You
   A teenager (Quinn Cummings) believes she's discovered a vampire
   (Randolph Powell). Nancy...Helen Hunt, Louise...Gloria DeHaven
4. Uncle George
   A poor couple (Claude Akins, June Lockhart) try to find someone to
   pose as their late uncle, whose pension they can't afford to lose.
   Dixie...Dub Taylor

original airdate: December 11, 1981
5. Needlepoint
   A woman (Esther Rolle) uses voodoo to avenge her granddaughter's death.
   Young Man...Lawrence-Hilton Jacobs
6. Siege Of 31 August
   A farmer (Ronny Cox) is tormented by his memories of war when his
   son's toy soldiers come to life. Helen...Gail Strickland, Ben...
   Patrick Brennan, Colonel...Pat Corley

original airdate: December 18, 1981
7. A Quiet Funeral
   A quiet funeral is the setting for a double-crossed forger's revenge.
   Charlie...Eugene Roche, Marty...Robert F Lyons
8. Make-Up
   A magic makeup case transforms a loser (Billy Crystal) into a winner.
   Roland...Brian Dennehy, Sam...Jack Kruschen

original airdate: December 25, 1981
9. The Partnership
   An old man's eerie partnership allows him to live well in a crumbling
   town. Tad...Pat Buttram, Biker...David Carradine
10. Daisies
   A botanist (Lloyd Bochner) is working with plants to learn a way to
   communicate to them. Louise...Rue McClanahan
11. Catnip
   A ruthless young man (Cyril O'Reilly) is stalked by a demonic black cat.
   Mrs Mingle...Jocelyn Brando, Loretta...Karin Argoud

original airdate: January 8, 1982
12. Lost In Translation
   An archaeology professor (Andrew Prine) seeks power over others through
   a magic formula.
   Jeanette...Cyndy Garvey
13. Guillotine
   A 19th-century Frenchwoman tries to save her lover from the guillotine.
   Monsieur De Paris...Michael Constantine, Babette...Patti D'Arbanville,
   Pierre...France Benard, Louis...Dick Balduzzi

original airdate: January 15, 1982
14. Exit Line
   An aspiring actor (Stan Shaw) takes revenge on an acerbic critic
   (Samantha Eggar). Bert...Jack Carter
15. Who's There?
   A husband (Michael Lembeck) sets a trap for his unfaithful wife (Dianne
   Kay). Steve...Grant Goodeve
16. The Rarest Of Wines
   A Son (Henry Polic II) is unhappy about what he received in the will of
   his recently deceased mother. Pamela...Judith Chapman

I remember when this show aired. It was brief though. It ran from 1981 to 1982 only. Arguably the most popular episode is Siege of 31 August where a father is attacked by toy soldiers. I even remember the previews of that episode playing during commercial breaks. It's a great show that I managed to get to DVD a few years ago and I love having it in my collection.

Basically it's a Twilight Zone/ Night Gallery type of show, with your usual guest spots by the stars of the time. I would have loved to have seen it run for a longer life but the fact that it came and went makes it a rare treat.

Little Red Riding Hood reimagined

I always liked today's film and it's cool to see that it is available to watch online. While it's been years since I've seen it, I'll try to get to the basics in this short review and let you discover all the other hidden treasures in this film.

 Today we go to Grandmother's house with THE COMPANY OF WOLVES.

Here's your link.

The basic idea of The Company of Wolves is a mixture of the old fairy tales, most notably Little Red Riding Hood.

Why yes, that is indeed Angela Lansbury as the grandmother.

This film uses narratives from the main characters to tell short stories that are interspersed around the main plot, which is the Red Riding Hood story. All of them center around wolves, or as our modern interpretation of them, werewolves.

It has a dreamy feel to it at times and some cool special effects that while not up to the Rick Baker standard set in An American Werewolf In London, they are pretty amazing regardless.

The film also supports a cast including Stephen Rea, David Warner, and Terence Stamp. 

All in all the production values are slick, the costumes and sets are awesome, and the atmosphere is dark and foreboding, just as those cautionary tales were supposed to be. This is indeed a grim fairy tale.

A wookie in the woods

Here we have a movie from 1980 that irked the British censors into a fury and caused it to be banned as part of the Video Nasties list.

This is the same VHS cover as the copy that I own. Today's film is NIGHT OF THE DEMON.




Here it is on YouTube.

This is really kind of a hokey movie but it does have some decent fun so it's worth a watch.

The film is told as a series of flashbacks from a survivor of an anthropology class that heads out to either prove, or disprove the legend of Sasquatch. So we get some great Bigfoot violence in this one. Most notably a scene where a biker gets his junk ripped off while urinating! Great stuff.

                                                          "No, not so great, ya jerk!"

Eventually we learn about Crazy Wanda, a woman who was raped by Bigfoot and had a hideous hybrid baby. Our team finally meets the fuzzball themselves and the rest is movie history.

It's kind of a wacky film but it does have some nice gory sequences that makes it worthwhile. And it's nice to see an upload on YouTube.

You'll lose your appetite.

This entry is going to be a rough ride today. We're going to a very dark, bad place. But when a film like this rears its ugly head on YouTube, I have to strike while the iron is hot, because this one may disappear as quickly as it appeared.

Today's film is Marian Dora's CANNIBAL.

Here it is. Watch it while you can. If you can.

Oh boy, this is a hardcore film. So let's get into it. Cannibal tells the true story of German cannibal, Armin Meiwes. So Google that name if you want more details on the case.

Here's the real life weirdo the film is based on. But we're going to focus on the film.

Credited only as The Man, our lead character has a fantasy about eating a willing participant. Somebody ready to sacrifice himself to another man to be eaten. Creepily enough, through cannibal chatrooms (oddly there was such a thing), the man finds someone.

This character is credited as The Flesh. The two hit it off and have a mutual understanding of what will transpire, in all its bloody glory. What starts off as simple frisky business in a bare room with only a bed and a light turns graphic as the flesh demands to be eaten, male appendage first.

I won't be showing a screenshot for that.

After some initial frustrations on both parts, the man succeeds in killing and at least partially eating the flesh.

Ugh, this is a beast of a film and it makes it even nastier that it really happened. Now I want you to take a good look at this actor.

This man's name is Carsten Frank, sometimes credited as Frank Oliver. He plays The Man and later worked with director, Marian Dora in an even more fucked up movie called Melancholie Der Engel (The Angels' Melancholy), which gets my vote as the most extreme film ever made. Marian Dora is an enigma in himself, with very little information available and rumors abounding on things he's done in his films. If you see Carsten Frank or see Dora's name attached to a project, proceed with caution.

This film is no exception. I chose to keep the screenshots as PG rated as possible. Don't let that fool you. So far this is the worst film in terms of rough content I have reviewed. This is not for greenshorns. Bon appetit.

The original Last House on the Left

Let's all watch a horror movie with historical significance, shall we? One that paved the way for other similar films and actually helped create an entire sub genre. What you may have seen in Last House on the Left was done first on this film.

 
Today's film is THE VIRGIN SPRING from director, Ingmar Bergman.

And here it is.

The Virgin Spring is a Swedish film from 1960 and stars a young Max Von Sydow as the the Christian father of a young girl, Karin. One day, Karin is on a trip to church to deliver candles when she meets three poor goat herders. She is raped and murdered by the men.

The men later seek refuge at the worst possible place, Karin's parents' house. When the men offer to sell Karin's clothes to them, they discover their daughter's fate and lock the men in their room when they fall asleep.

Oh, sweet revenge! Daddy Max kills the men. Then with the help of their servant, they find the body of Karin and her father vows to build a church at the site as atonement for his violent actions. As they lift her head, a spring flows forth.

The Virgin Spring incorporates many themes, using religion and morality as the foundation. It poses the question of whether the resulting violence is simple justice or just savage revenge. It also touches on themes of redemption.

I would have used wood.

I'm quickly throwing this review and movie link out there today as I'm about to bolt and be gone for the day. The title of today's blog is just a stupid joke based on the title of today's film.

 Today's film is PAPERHOUSE. A dark fantasy film with horror elements.

Here is the film on YouTube.

Paperhouse is a weird little film. Basic plot is a girl named Anna, suffering from an illness, draws a picture of a house and then dreams of it.

She then goes back and draws a boy in the window. In her dream she sees him but the boy can't walk. Anna thinks this is because she only drew the visible portion of him in the window. She finds out the boy, Marc, is a real person. She then goes back and draws her father into the picture to help carry Marc away from the house but she accidentally draws him with an angry looking expression, which she then scribbles out. This causes the dream version of her father to be a mean sumbitch.

As the film plays out, the kids find a way to defeat Mr. Grumpypants but Anna learns that Marc is getting sicker. Anna then makes it goal to help set Marc free of his condition.

It's an interesting film and one I like to revisit from time to time.

So there you have it. Short and sweet. Have some PAPERHOUSE while I'm gone. Peace out.

Screaming on vacation

So since I recently started this blog, I've been wanting to do a movie a day. But tomorrow I will be out of town and busy all day without the chance to do an entry. Maybe I write one tonight and publish it first thing in the morning. We'll see but if I miss a day, you'll understand the significance of today's film.

Today's film is LONG WEEKEND.

Watch it right here on YouTube.

So since I'm having a long weekend, so will you! But hopefully neither will compare to the weekend our subjects in the film experience.

These two lovebirds, er couple decide to hit a camping getaway to help fix their troubled relationship. OK, sounds legit. Only problem with the plan is their complete disregard for their surroundings and local wildlife. Spraying pesticides, flicking cigarette butts, and even killing a harmless dugong. 

Yeah, they're assholes to each other and to nature. But nature doesn't take their abuse sitting down. It has sweet revenge, with eagle and possum attacks, a creepy recurrence of the dugong, and nature generally messing with their sense of direction, getting them lost and confused.

This is actually a fun little film and it was remade, pretty much shot for shot in 2008 and starring Jim Caviezel. The remake is sometimes also known as Nature's Grave and is just as good as the original so if you like this one, check out the remake.

So I'm out of here. Be good, stay out of trouble, and don't shoot any dugongs while I'm away.